saying goodbye

Finally it is time to say goodbye to a year that has been by far one of the worst I have ever experienced.  2011 will not be missed by me nor will the experiences that it brought with it.  I am thankful that 2012 brings with it the piece of mind that just as seasons come and go, flowers trees and plants get a new start just as I will.  As any good gardner would weed out the flower bed, I have begun weeding out the things in my life that just dont belong.  Some of the roots are burried deep within but I know that I can do it.  The poisons that have been draining my life of happiness, self respect, and mental well being no longer have a home here with me.  Thanks to a poster my sister sent to me stating, (your only dealt what your willing to put up with) I have the motivation, determination, and strength I need to rid myself of the people whom mattered so much even when it was obvious I mattered none at all.  In 2012 I will rebuild friendships, bonds, and family ties with those whom I pushed myself away from so that I didnt have to explain, hide, or make excusses for my weakness.  I allowed you to nearly destroy me, to suffocate me with ideas that I would never deserve more than you offered. Luckily I am stronger than you ever gave me credit for and I know that regardless of how hard its going to be to let go,  Im going to find the real me that has been hiding within for so long.  Goodbye 2011, Goodbye self doubt, and Goodbye to the one who broke my heart everyday we were together without even noticing!

Winds Of Change

As I sit here tonight staring at this blank screen, struggling to find the words to express exactly what it is I am feeling, it becomes very apparent that the person I used to be is no longer the person that I have become.  Words even in their simplest form have always come naturally to me until now.  I won’t begin to pretend that I am the only person who has lost someone they love nor will I assume that my pain is any worse than anyone else’s but what I do know is that death has a way of changing people’s lives forever and that is where I am today.   Today I am as lost within myself as the words are in my head.  I am uncomfortable within my own skin and welcome the day that I can feel again.  Even the pain has to be better than numbness.